Everybody Lies
by angelsinstead
Summary: Cuddy wants a baby. She goes to House for help. He makes sure that Cuddy gets exactly what she wants, even if he has to do something entirely unethical.
1. Chapter 1

_Chapter One  
_

Dr. Gregory House was doing his afternoon rounds at Princeton–Plainsboro Teaching Hospital when he heard an interesting conversation between his best friend Dr. James Wilson and his gorgeous boss, Dr. Lisa Cuddy. "I need to locate some fresh sperm," Cuddy stated.

House's ears perked up as he overheard what was being said. *Sperm? What the hell does Cuddy want with fresh sperm?* he was thinking.

"I would offer mine, but I don't think my girlfriend would like it," Wilson said apologetically.

"Ohhh that's alright. I don't need it quite yet. There will be plenty of time for me to find a suitable donor. I have to go through all the fertility injections first," Cuddy replied.

"Does House know about this?" Wilson asked.

"He knows I want a baby, but he doesn't know I have decided to take matters into my own hands."

*Whoever is providing the sperm will be taking matters into _his_ own hands, too,* House was thinking to himself.

"I suggest you talk this over with him," Wilson said. "You know, he might have some insight."

"About what?"

"You know, about donors..." Wilson said, looking suddenly uncomfortable.

"There's always the fertility lab. They have a list of donors if I can't find someone who's willing to donate."

"Right." Wilson said, drawing out the word.

"Well, I have a patient in need of care. Chat with you later," Wilson said to Cuddy before departing on the nearest elevator.

House realized that suddenly Cuddy was coming his way. She was wearing a sexy red dress. "House," she said as she stopped in her tracks. Her eyes locked to his.

"I see that you're showing a great deal more cleavage than usual," he said huskily. "And your ass is looking nice and round."

His gaze moved downward to the object of his desire, her pert ass which was tightly hugged by a silky scarlet dress. "You look absolutely radiant. Are you pregnant?"

She shook her head. "No, but I'd like to be... and I want you to help me."

He swallowed hard, hearing her words. "What do you have in mind?"

"Come with me to my office. I want to show you something," she said as she lead the way.

House followed Cuddy to her office, his eyes on her delectable backside as she swayed her hips as though to entice him. "This better be good," he said in growl. "I was about to play Naked Twister with several of the nurses."

"Male or female nurses?" Cuddy asked, turning around to give him a mischievous little smile.

"Wouldn't you like to know."


	2. Chapter 2

_**Chapter Two**_

When they arrived at Cuddy's office, she handed House a couple of case files from the fertility clinic. "I am looking at potential sperm donors," she announced as she sat behind her desk and House took a seat directly across from her. "I want your professional opinion, since you're an expert on genetics. What do you think of these two?"

House scanned the files quickly as he made a face. "I'm going to be perfectly honest," House stated. "Both of these guys suck. Donor 1284 is weird, creepy, and self-centered. He says he likes horseback riding and playing the fiddle. No one likes playing the fiddle. 613 is a phoney and an absolute fake. I can tell that he lied through his teeth on his profile. Everybody lies and this guy lied a _hell_ of a lot. No one can be that perfect. He's probably a serial killer. Ohhh but he loves playing computer games, so give the guy a cigar."

"I am not going horseback riding with the guy; I just want his sperm."

"You are designing a kid. A loser kid."

"Okay then, help me find sperm that is better than that of 1284 and 613. And thanks for your help."

"Glad to be of service. Whatever you need. ANYtime."

Xxxooo

Later in the day, Cuddy barged in when House was with a patient and said, "I need you. NOW."

"Yes, Mistress. I am at your beck and call," he said in a low voice.

Minutes later, he arrived in her office as she was pulling all the shades. "You haven't told anyone what I am doing?" she asked. "Not even Cameron?"

He shook his head. "No, I haven't told anyone. You can count on me."

"Before the artificial insemination, I will need twice daily injections of progesterone," she stated, holding up a syringe. "I can't do it myself."

House had a look of shock on his face, but it quickly faded. "Turn around," he said as he reached for the syringe.

"No clever comments about bending over so you can stare at my shapely backside?" she asked as she turned around as he had instructed.

"Not unless you want me to," he said as she was hiking up her skirt and exposing her right buttock to his gaze.

He stood there a moment, just looking at her delectable derriere, a look of fascination upon his face. "Are you going to put it in me?" she asked.

"Ha!" he said. "I was just having ... ummm... thoughts..."

"Shut up!"

He was talking about breasts and other female body parts as he took the cap off the syringe and opened the little packet containing the alcohol swab with his teeth. He continued to talk as he rubbed the alcohol swab over her creamy skin in a circle, making her squirm as he wouldn't seem to stop, because he was enjoying it far too much.

"Ohhh come on," she said. "The skin is thoroughly sanitized. Just stick the needle in."

"You're overly bossy when you're trying to get pregnant."

"Owww," she said as he shoved the needle in without warning.

He pulled it out slowly. Cuddy lowered her skirt, then turned around to look at him.

"Thank you."

"Injection one," he said with a smirk. "This is gonna be fun!"


End file.
